


Understanding History

by Seajellybaby



Series: The LA Series [4]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Soap Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22338376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seajellybaby/pseuds/Seajellybaby
Summary: Additional story text added 03 April 2020 to bring the story in line with the rest of the series.The LA Series is my attempt to continue the Luke and Noah story from the finale onward.  I have tried to keep as true to the original show as possible.  I hope you enjoy it.As these stories are part of a series I have rated them all as Mature - Just to be safe
Relationships: Noah Mayer/Luke Snyder
Series: The LA Series [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601257
Kudos: 3





	Understanding History

Luke heard the distinct clattering of the morning garbage collection truck chugging outside the window.

_God, is it really that early?_

He’d woken up needing a piss, but on his trip back to the bed was struck by how amazing and peaceful Noah looked in his sleep. Luke's heart near jumped out his chest. Instead of climbing back in bed, he pulled up a chair so he could sit for a few minutes just looking at him.

Noah’s hair was all ruffled; tiny black curls kissing his brow. His eyes were softly shut, without that hint of tension he'd carried for so long. Luke wondered what he was dreaming about, because at that moment his lips turned up in a slight smile. Luke couldn’t believe the level of love he held for this guy; couldn't believe how lucky he was to get another chance with him. How many nights after their breakup had he dreamed of doing just this? And here they were, after months of painful separation, even more together than he ever thought possible.

He rested his elbows on his knees; placed his chin in the palms of both hands. He rubbed his eyes briefly; realized he'd shed a few hot tears. He knew that today he would have to start making arrangements to return back to Oakdale. He'd made this decision every night for the past week, but then he would wake up in Noah’s arms each morning and say to himself, "Just one more day."

But it could no longer wait. He dreaded leaving Noah. The thought of being parted from him again was killing Luke. He hadn’t even been able to face the _idea_ of it without struggling to breathe; now he had to face the reality. Of course he was trying to be strong. He knew how scared Noah was of being alone. He didn’t want to let on how badly it was affecting him too. He needed to give Noah confidence that everything would be okay… that they would work something out.

Noah already suggested giving up his job in LA and returning to Oakdale, but Luke wasn’t having any of it. He knew how much Noah loved his job and he didn’t want to be the reason Noah gave up on his dream. No way! So he spent hours going over hundreds of different scenarios in his head, trying to find one that would allow him to stay in LA, while still sort out his responsibilities in Oakdale. But there really was no solution. He _had_ to go back. Noah _had_ to stay.

Naturally there were also things in Oakdale that he wanted to go back for. He missed his family for one. Ethan was at that age when changes could be noticed even after just one week, and both Faith and Natalie were begging to see him. When he left for LA it was supposed to be for two days, and he had ended up staying for more than a month. There hadn’t been any time for his family to adjust to him being gone. The proper Snyder goodbyes were bypassed by fate, so to speak. He felt bad about that, but he was no longer a kid. He needed to live his own life… and right now that life was in LA with Noah.

His mom literally screamed with joy when he explained his reasons for staying in LA. Any reprimands she planned for him when she answered the phone, after not hearing from him in a week, dissolved instantly. She loved Noah like a son. They all loved Noah. He had become an important part of the family. They were almost as devastated by the breakup as Luke.

"I knew it!" she beamed down the phone. "I always had faith for the two of you, baby!"

There was another reason he wanted to go back, a reason he hadn’t been able to talk to Noah about. Noah was so understanding of the emotions he still harbored for Reid, but Luke couldn’t help but be conscious of Noah’s feelings. There were some things he thought best to keep to himself. Some things were private… were a part of the love he shared with Reid. After realizing he’d forgotten the anniversary of Reid’s death, Luke felt this overwhelming need to visit the pond; the site where he'd placed half of Reid’s ashes. He wanted to apologize to him properly… to explain… to make peace. He felt he needed to be close to some essence of him to do so. LA made the short time they spent together seem like a lifetime ago.

He was so wrapped in his thoughts, it took a while before he registered Noah staring at him. He smiled wide, "Busted!"

Noah returned the smile in that beautiful way of his; pulled the sheet back and patted the empty space in front of him. "Don't get me wrong, you look amazing sitting over there in your underwear but… I kinda prefer it when you’re _in_ the bed!"

Noah’s cheeky grin was too hard to resist; Luke was curled up with him in no time; left cheek pressed up against Noah’s chest. Noah's long arms wrapped instantly around him.

Noah kissed the top of his head. "You looked like an angel, the light from outside made your hair glow… but…"

"But?"

"You looked like a _sad_ angel. What’s up?"

Luke hitched at that and felt the tears again.

"Luke?" Noah pushed him back slightly; looked in his eyes.

"I’m okay…" and at Noah’s skeptical expression, "Really... It’s just sinking in that I have to leave soon."

He saw the sadness fill Noah’s eyes; wished he could have kept the thought to himself. But they promised to share everything. They both knew this relationship was only stronger for that promise.

Noah didn’t say anything; gave Luke a quick kiss... drew him tightly against him; holding him like that until it was time to get up for work.

***

Gustav was freaking out. "Where the hell is he?" He reached out a hand; grabbed hold of Roberto’s jacket as the construction manager made his way through the busy set. "Hey Rob, you seen Ken anywhere?"

"Not for over an hour, sorry. What’s up?"

"Damn spot’s out up there and shooting is in ten! The guy’s gone AWOL again! God, I’ll kill him this time, for sure!"

"Well, can’t you fix it yourself? It’s just a bulb change after all…"

Gustav looked up the ladder to the high studio roofing above; shuddered at the thought. However it was his neck on the line if things weren’t perfect for the take. He grabbed a bulb, chucked it in his duffel bag and slung it over his shoulder. Gingerly, he started climbing the first few rungs of the ladder; but stopped short when he felt a strong hand around his right ankle, and heard a stern voice say, "What the hell do you think you’re doing?"

He looked down and almost fell when he saw who it was. "Yeah... um... sorry… I can’t find Ken and a spots out…"

"It’s Ken’s job to change the spots not yours. He’s the electrician. Now get down from there before you kill yourself!"

"You know, you should listen to him..." an amused voice joined the conversation from the side. Gustav watched as all annoyance in the director’s eyes literally melted away in seconds; the blue in them seemed to light up and sparkle. Noah released Gustav’s ankle immediately; turned with a sly smile on his face. He opened his arms out to the grinning blonde man who continued speaking, "... he knows what he’s talking about."

"Luke!" Noah laughed, pulling the man into a close hug that made Gustav... and by the looks of things Roberto too... more than a little uncomfortable. "Best surprise ever!"

"Hi, babe," the blonde replied, brushing Noah’s hair back with one hand; holding him with the other. "I was missing you so…"

There conversation faded away when Ken decided to show his useless face. Gustav angrily sent him up the ladder to repair the problem. When he turned back, he heard this Luke person say, "Did I come at a bad time?"

"It’s never a bad time to see you," Noah gushed. "Actually, it’s perfect timing! We’re shooting in about five minutes. Oh, Melanie?" The director called off to the side; drew the attention of the petite red head who headed right over. "This is my boyfriend, Luke. Luke, this is Melanie."

"Hello, Melanie." Luke smiled, looking excited.

"Hi Luke, nice to meet you." She gave Noah a sly all-knowing smile.

"Melanie," Noah began, grinning at her, "Luke would like to watch the shoot. Could you take care of him for me while I finish up?"

"I'd love to." And then to Luke she said, "Please follow me."

Noah gave Luke a deep, passionate kiss, started to walk away; turned back and repeated the kiss before saying, "Bye, lover."

"Good luck." Luke whispered back, watching Noah walk off toward his station with an obvious spring in his step. 

Gustav stood staring after Noah with his mouth agape. It wasn’t that they were gay that embarrassed him, it was the level of intimacy between them. It was the way they held and looked at each other, as though they were alone in a small room, instead of standing in the middle of a bustling movie set. He continued watching after Noah until he heard, "Okay, Rudimentary. Take 2. And five, four, three…"

He quickly scurried out of the way.

***

Watching Noah work just solidified the fact that LA was where he belonged. Luke was amazed at how his sweet and shy Noah was able to control a whole set of stagehands and actors with absolute confidence and authority. It was a side to Noah that he rarely saw outside of this environment. It was like watching the conductor at a symphony, waving his hands around and getting just the right responses from the actors, lighting crew and cameramen. Luke couldn’t contain the pride he felt at that moment. He hated that he was going to have to spoil tonight by telling Noah he was leaving in just two days time. It was done. Everything was arranged, and he would be back in Oakdale bright and early Monday morning.

After the shot ended, Luke watched as various people scuttled around Noah, getting instructions, asking for advise. Occasionally Noah would read and then sign a piece of paper that was passed under his nose. Just then a dark Italian looking man approached the group. He was tall, muscular and fairly good looking. He said something to Noah with a smile on his face and it made Noah laugh out loud.

There was something about this man’s mannerism that bothered Luke almost instantly. Maybe it was the way he stood just a little too close to Noah; leaned into him as he spoke, or the way his hand would intermittently squeeze Noah’s shoulder.

Luke felt his shackles start to rise. He couldn’t help but wonder at the strange energy between Noah and this other man. Finally the Italian left the group; walked across the studio, passing Luke as he did. He seemed to notice Luke, but he didn’t stop; carried on walking past to stand somewhere behind him. Then Luke heard him say, "Who’s the blonde?"

He instantly tensed. 

"Noah’s new boyfriend," he heard Melanie reply. "Now we know why he’s been in such a good mood lately. _And_ why production is two weeks behind schedule!"

Luke’s heart skipped a beat, and he wasn't exactly sure why; natural impulse or some other feeling growing deep inside. 

"But you know, good for him!" Melanie continued. "I'm glad he's found somebody that can make him smile like this. Oh now, Oliver! Don’t pull that face! Noah’s _way_ out of your league! Always was!"

At that, Luke couldn’t help but turn; immediately making eye contact with the stranger. The look of heated jealousy and resentment that past between them, left Luke in no further doubt that his instincts were correct.

He felt a hand on his shoulder that made him jump; the connection with the Italian man swiftly ended.

"Sorry," Noah laughed, "didn’t mean to scare you!"

"No… no…" Luke stuttered. "You didn’t..."

Melanie walked over. "Hey, Noah? I know you usually walk home, but it’s raining pretty heavy out there tonight. I ordered you a cab. It should be parked right outside."

"Thanks," Noah replied, "what would I do without you?"

"Looks like you’re managing just fine if you ask me..." She said with a wink; walked off toward the set.

"Ready?" Noah asked, putting his arm around Luke’s shoulder and steering them toward the exit.

Luke didn’t know if he was.

***

It was absolutely pouring outside. Sheets of rain mixed with darkness; made it difficult to see out into the parking lot. Noah spotted the cab and they ran over to it.

"You’re quiet all of a sudden?" Noah noted, as they slid dripping into the waiting cab. "Um... the studio gave my address right?" Noah said to the driver who nodded and turned on the engine.

Luke glanced out of the window toward the studio door as the cab pulled away from the lot; joined the busy rush hour traffic. His thoughts were running at a million miles per minute. All sorts of images flashed through his head… mostly of Noah in some passionate embrace with this other person. He didn’t know it was possible to hate a complete stranger, but at that moment hate was all he could feel for him. He felt like he would explode at any moment.

"Luke?" he heard Noah say in that teasing, sing-song voice that he usually loved, but which now just irritated him. "Anybody home?"

Luke looked directly at him; saw Noah visibly jump at the expression that must have been on his face.

"Luke?" Noah frowned. "What’s wrong?"

Luke glared at him for a moment; crossed his arms. But he had to know. "Who’s Oliver?"

The swish of the window wipers suddenly sounded _so_ much louder as both of them held their breath. It was obvious he'd caught Noah completely off-guard, because all Noah did was to stutter, "Wh... what?" A frown crinkled his forehead.

"I’m just wondering what _this_ is," Luke wiggled his index finger back-and-forth between them, "when you’ve been carrying on with someone at work?"

Noah paused for just a second; a look of shock on his face. His eyes burned into Luke’s when he yelled, "Stop the car!" The driver was taken aback, but complied immediately when Noah, still locking eyes with Luke, sternly repeated. "Stop the damn car, now!" Once at a standstill, Noah flung open his door and got out.

"Where are you going? It’s torrential out there!"

But Noah ignored him and stormed off into a nearby park.

"Shit!" Luke fumbled his way out of the backseat, quickly paid the cab driver. He ran after Noah; sneakers squelching in the sodden grass. "Stop!" he called after Noah. "Stop will you?" Luke caught up; grabbed Noah’s elbow to spin him round. "Where are you going?"

"I had to get out before I punched you!" Noah said with frustration. "I can’t believe you’re doing this _again_! I can’t believe you!"

"You can’t believe _me_?" Luke quickly replied; instantly on the defensive. "You’re the one cheating here, Noah! Not me!"

"Urg!" Noah exclaimed loudly, kicking the ground with his foot.

"I don’t get why you’re the one upset?" Luke stated; voice breaking slightly as the sharp pain in his chest.

"Oh really?" Sheets of water poured down Noah’s face. He had to speak louder for Luke to hear him over the rain. "None of this seems at all familiar to you then?" The condescension in that statement was obvious.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Luke asked.

"Umm… Mason?"

That shook Luke for a second before he said, with less conviction, "This is _nothing_ like Mason!"

"Oh no?"

"You never _slept_ with Mason!" Luke saw utter pain enter Noah’s eyes at that. A part of his soul broke at the sight, but he was way past the point of anger, and it was too late to go back. "You did _fuck_ Oliver, didn’t you?"

Noah looked at him with dumbstruck sadness.

" _Didn't_ you?" Luke yelled again, voice cracking with the hurt he felt. He knew he was being unfair. He knew he was being unreasonable. Hell, it wasn't like he'd been a saint since they parted. They weren't a couple for a year, and Noah didn't owe him any kind of celibacy during that time. But these were the emotions that had always sent him careening down the cliff, because they took over his mouth... took all control from the rational side of his brain. And even when he wanted to stop... knew he should... he couldn't. 

"Yes," Noah admitted, quietly. "Yes… once..."

The rain pelted them both, but they couldn’t have cared less. They could have been anywhere. Right now all that remained was this massive mountain they had to climb. It couldn’t be ignored this time. If they left it, if they chose to walk away, then that would be it. The end of a relationship, the end of a love both of them wanted and needed more than life itself.

Noah may have been crying; tears mingling with the rain as he spoke through his teeth, tension making it difficult. He was clearly resigned to whatever fate this story brought to him. "I spent my first month in LA losing myself in work. I would work through the night sometimes. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. And on the weekends, I’d walk for miles looking for shoot locations, or I’d shop for furniture... go to the cinema… _Anything!_ Anything to stop me from thinking or dreaming or fucking missing you! Anything to stop wanting you..."

They exchanged soulful looks.

"And then one day… just like _that_ … I found myself standing in the middle of the apartment. I don’t know how long I stood there for, but I couldn’t hold the feelings back anymore. Everything was just collapsing on top of me. I was exhausted. I was drowning. And for the first time," he chocked; wiped tears and rain from his eyes as he struggled to whisper, "I wished I’d never met you!"

It was like a slap across Luke’s face. He was raging inside; streams of jealousy polluting his blood. He couldn't deal; turned to walk away.

"No running!" Noah yelled.

He stopped dead; turned back to be struck by the fiery passion and determination written in Noah’s expression.

"Do you want to know why I slept with him?" Noah asked.

Luke said nothing, just stood shivering in this t-shirt; a combination of anger and fear.

"I slept with him, because I didn’t care anymore! I was _dying_ inside, Luke! Because every single day that went past, I was being forced to take a step back from you, and there was nothing I could fucking do to stop it!" He paused to allow a few sobs to pass. "And the worst thing? You would call me... talk to me like everything was okay… everything was normal. And I thought… I thought… 'He’s moved on. He doesn’t want me anymore.' I _hated_ myself... for everything I did to lose you. And I was mad at you, for everything you did to lose me." He took another deep and shaky breath. "So I ended up at a bar. I got drunk and I went home with Oliver. I don’t even _remember_ it!"

Throughout this, Luke felt the anger and jealousy dying; melting away as his heart broke for Noah. He hung his head in shame. He was such a fool! Noah loved him! It was obvious. And yet here he was once _again_ letting some unimportant person come between them. After _everything_!

"When I woke up and realized what had happened... I've never been more disgusted in myself. I left his place while he was still asleep. I went home. I’ve never even spoken to him about it. I know he’s still interested, but he’s never pressed the issue… so…" He shrugged, breathing heavily. "I'm not 'carrying on' with him, Luke. Or whatever it is you're thinking."

They stood in the rain. How could this be happening? How were they losing control? Everything was just perfect only a few minutes ago, but already a deep chasm had opened up between them, and neither knew how to cross it. A surge of dread hit them. Were they strong enough this time? Could they fight through this?

Finally Noah deflated and sighed. "Why don't you ever believe in how much I love you? What do I have to do, Luke? I don’t want to go down this road again! This is a dark road!" Noah shook his head back-and-forth, sobbed back his tear.

Luke could no longer hold himself back. He moved quickly forward; tried to put his arms around Noah. But Noah was still angry; placed his hands on Luke’s chest to push him back... not ready to accept him. Both stumbled slightly, but Luke wasn't giving up. He wrapped himself firmly around Noah. The man struggled, but it was half-hearted; eventually he gave in. They fell to their knees onto the saturated earth, so drenched that their shirts clung to their skin.

"I’m an idiot!" Luke shouted above the sound of the rain. "I do believe you. I do!" He placed a hand on each of Noah's shoulders, and eye-to-eye he said, "I trust you, Noah. I’m sorry! I just get so fucking scared sometimes. I get it, okay? I swear to you I do!"

They stared at each other for a moment; Noah suddenly grabbing Luke tightly, his hand on the back of Luke’s head. "I’m going to live my life, Luke. And sometimes… sometimes you might not like people who are in my life. But that’s _my_ choice, okay? I love you. I waited months for _you._ There is and will never be anyone else. Please," he begged, "you have to trust me or we can’t go on. Don’t you see that?"

Luke leaned in through the rain; kissed Noah hard on the lips before saying, "I see it! I'm sorry. The way I reacted just now was... I’m so sorry. I love you."

Noah relaxed; shaking with relief. "Same here..."


End file.
